A common variation on the question, “Are they natural”, when people find out you’re having or have twins is, “Which side of the family do they run on?”
In some ways, it’s a more indirect way of asking the same question, because if the answer is, “Neither,” then it’s probably safe to assume fertility treatments were involved, right? Wrong.
If someone asks which side of the family twins run on, they’re revealing a common misunderstanding about how twins work, even the “natural” ones. Identicals don’t run in families; fraternal twins do, but only the mother’s side is relevant if you’re asking parents of twins.
The frequency of identical twins holds steady across many cultures and gene pools and does not appear linked to any inherited tendency. Thus, twins don’t run on either side (or it is irrelevant if they do) when twins are identical.
Fraternal twins are affected by a woman’s tendency to release more than one egg per cycle, which is an inherited trait to some extent. That doesn’t mean she releases multiple eggs every cycle, or that all daughters in a twin line will have that trait, but if the women in her family have a history of fraternal twins, her probability of twins is increased. That said, if someone asks a couple “Which side of the family do they run on?”, the only relevant answer is “on the mother’s side”, because if they run on the father’s side, that could be relevant to his daughters’ future chances of twins, but it’s only the person who releases eggs who can increase a couple’s chances of naturally conceiving fraternal twins, and that would be Mom every time.
Once fertility treatments are involved, it’s completely irrelevant if twins run on either side, but the person who asked the question knew that, right?
Continuing the theme of snarky answers I fantasize about giving but probably never will:
A few years ago, I subbed in a bowling league where one of my teammates turned out to be a father of young triplets. When I found out, my reflexive curiosity led me to ask some version of the question, “Were they natural?” I may have tried to phrase it a little less bluntly, but the question was the same. My very friendly teammate answered politely and directly (no, they had “help”), and my curiosity was satisfied without realizing at the time what a personal or awkward question I had just asked. Now that I’m a father of twins and encounter the same question or variations on it frequently, I cringe that I ever asked it, and wish I could go back and apologize to that guy.
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How can two tiny little people who sleep 20+ hours per day require 20+ hours of their parents being awake to take care of them? I think I may have to give a gentle slap upside the head to the next person who helpfully suggests, “Sleep when the baby(ies) sleeps.” Right. As if there’s nothing else that has to happen at some point, like: cleaning bottles, doing baby laundry, preparing forumula, breast pumping (for mommy), organizing various baby supplies and accessories all over the place, shopping, feeding ourselves, showering (optional), doing our own laundry, housekeeping, maintaining the yard, tending to the dogs, connecting with family and friends so we don’t become recluses, nurturing our marriage, writing, paying bills, selling dope to pay for— I’ve said too much. So, when somone comes up with a way to do all those things while sleeping, I’d be more than happy to sleep when my babies sleep.
On the very bright side, we just got some help. Our baby nurse started work today, so we’re planning a week of full-time help to ease into this two-newborns-at-once thing, and then she’ll help with nights for a few months so our babies can survive and thrive without us turning into ill-tempered zombies. That’s the goal, anyway.
Brooke spent the last few days trying to master finishing a bottle at every feeding under the time limit (30 minutes), and what finally seemed to do the trick was spacing her feedings out a little more (every four hours instead of every three) and compensating for the decreased frequency with increased volume. She improved with that schedule enough to be ready for a car seat test last night, which she passed, so… Brooke is coming home today! Yaaay, Brookie Brooke!
So far, I know my sister and dad are reading. Anyone else? There’s a comment button at the bottom of these entries, so feel free to chime in, even if it’s just to confirm how beautiful you think my daughters are, despite the ongoing lack of pictures on this blog. (I know, I know.) If you make a comment and it doesn’t show up right away, don’t fret. To guard against automated spam, I have “moderation” turned on for first time commenters, so I’ll have to approve those comments, but as long as you don’t look spammy or get abusive, I’ll approve your comment when I see it. Commenting requires you to enter an email, but that, too is part of the anti-spam measures, not something I’ll pass along to my business associates in Nigeria. Don’t tell, but…you don’t even have to enter a valid email address. As long as you sound like a real person and not a spammer or troll, your comments are fine with me.
Claire made such good progress with her nippling over the last week that we heard talk from the NICU nurses that she might be ready to go home by Monday (yesterday), but we still weren’t expecting it. We weren’t in complete denial, but we’d thought there’d be at least a couple days’ notice, and since we still hadn’t been asked by Sunday to bring in a car seat for her car seat test, or told she had officially started her prerequisite two consecutive days of nippling every feeding, Monday seemed like a longshot. So, when we arrived Sunday afternoon, we were caught off guard when our neonatologist told us he had been leaving us a voicemail as we walked in, telling us to bring a car seat because Claire was ready to go home the next day as long as she gained weight that night and passed her care seat test. She did both. Read the rest of this entry »
Claire is coming home today!
Dear Mommy Wife,
I considered getting you a card, but it just wasn’t the same without you there to help pick one out that you liked so we could laugh or say “Aww” together and put it back.
I am so happy to celebrate your first Mother’s Day as a mother. It was a long time coming, and even before you were a mom, I felt like Mother’s Day ought to include you, since you have always been so wonderful and nurturing with your nieces, nephew, and kids in general. You have already been a great mom through your pregnancy and our daughters’ first month of life, and I’m sure that will continue.
Brooke and Claire are lucky to have you as their Mommy, and I’m even more lucky to have you as my wife and the mother of my children. It still boggles my mind when I see you doubt your own strength or maternal ability, because the woman and mother I’ve seen over the last year – especially the last couple months – is a pretty strong and awe-inspiring person and mother.
I am so proud of you and thankful to have you as my wife. Congratulations on becoming a Mommy, and thanks for making me a Daddy.
Love,
Daddy Husband
Kat’s surgery to have her gall bladder removed went well, but for reasons that still aren’t entirely clear, her doc decided to admit her for a couple of nights. We know her gall bladder was in bad shape - inflamed, but not infected - and she had a drainage tube and substantial post-op pain, so neither of us were bothered by the change in plans, but we’re still a little perplexed why he would have expected to do it as outpatient surgery in the first place. She was only a month removed from having a c-section, which to my layman’s judgment seems like something that could be expected to make her recovery a little rougher than usual. Like I said, though, we didn’t mind the stay. They were able to grant our request to have her admitted to women’s recovery wing just down the hall from the NICU, so she was close to the babies and being cared for by a bunch of nurses we already liked. With the pain level immediately following the surgery, Kate was in no hurry to get home and negotiate the stairs. Financially, it’s already a given that we’ll meet our annual out-of-pocket maximum for the year, so what’s another day or two in the hospital? Read the rest of this entry »
Brooke and Claire must have overheard conversations about Brooke possibly being read to go home first, because they seem to be conspiring to get more in synch so they can go home together. After a few days of finishing off her bottles under the time limit, Brooke has had a hard time staying awake to complete her feedings. Meanwhile, Claire caught up to her sister’s pace of taking every third feeding by bottle, and has done so well she might advance to nippling every other feeding before Brooke. Claire has also been the more feisty one lately, so we think Brooke may be feeling the anemia a little more than her sister. They’re still on epogen for the anemia, and we expect tomorrow’s labs to show us whether it’s working or if one or both might need a transfusion.
Mommy is having a cholecystectomy today, meaning her gall bladder will be removed. This is something we’ve been expecting for a while now, since she was first diagnosed with severe gall stones in her first trimester. Had she not been pregnant, they would have scheduled her for surgery ASAP. At the time of the diagnosis, when she was having discomfort but not severe pain, the ultrasound tech who scanned her gall bladder said it was in pretty bad shape and he was surprised she wasn’t in more pain; normally, if he saw gall stones that bad, he’d be scanning someone who came into the emergency room in severe pain. Surgeons and obstetricians prefer to avoid surgery during pregnancy unless absolutely necessary, so Kat was advised to adhere to a low-fat diet (fats aggravate gall bladder problems) and try to put off surgery until after the pregnancy. Read the rest of this entry »
