When Brooke and Claire were born, it was not very easy to tell them apart for the first few minutes because most newborns look alike before they get cleaned up, and as cool as the ultrasounds were, they didn’t really give us much in the way of detailed features to distinguish one from the other. After they got cleaned up, though, it was easy to tell them apart for a couple reasons: 1) Their size; and 2) Their hair.

There was an 11oz. difference in birthweight, which makes for an obvious size difference between two babies weighing less than four pounds. Differences in birthweight aren’t a reliable indicator of whether twins are identical or fraternal (identicals aren’t always as identical as you’d think), but more convincingly, we knew Brooke and Claire weren’t identical because Brooke had thick dark brown hair, and Claire had less thick, but still pretty abundant lighter brown hair, bordering on blonde.

Size became a less reliable distinguishing characteristic as Claire closed the gap and eventually even passed Brooke in weight. A difference of a few ounces now is barely noticeable unless they’re right next to each other, and even then it’s barely noticeable compared to their other differences. For instance, Claire has a stork bite (birthmark) on her forehead, and their eyes are different colors now (both started out dark blue). But… the hair has always been the surefire way to distinguish them, even at a distance. I’m sure that’ll be true again, but recently, both girls have been suffering from baby pattern baldness and I’ll be darned if I haven’t mixed them up a couple times when I didn’t take a close look.

In case you find yourself trying to tell our daughters apart while this follicular ambiguity persists, here are some helpful guidelines:

• If her eyes are:
  … blue — it’s Claire.
  … grey, maybe light hazel depending on the light — it’s Brooke.

• If the baby you’re looking at has:
  … nothing on her forehead — it’s Brooke.
  … a stork bite on her forehead — it’s Claire.
  … a forehead birthmark shaped like a lightning bolt that burns when Voldemort is near — it’s Harry Potter.

• If the baby was smiling:
  … before you got there — it’s probably Claire.
  … because you earned it — it’s probably Brooke.

• If, when you put her in the crib at bedtime, she:
  … stares quietly at the mobile until she falls asleep — it’s Brooke.
  … cries until she gets put into a swing or bouncy seat, and then cries again every time her binkie (pacifier) falls out, and then again if you try to move her to the crib too soon, and generally takes two hours or more to be “asleep you can believe in” — it’s Claire.

• If looking at a mobile:
  … entertains her — it’s Claire.
  … mesmerizes her — it’s Brooke.

• If her outfit or binkie is:
  … purple — it’s probably Brooke.
  … pink — it’s probably Claire.

• If her cry:
  … starts out sounding like a cough — it’s Claire.
  … occasionally sounds like a horse whinny — it’s Brooke.

• If her binkie:
  … falls out after about 10 seconds of sucking — it’s probably Claire.
  … falls out after about 15 seconds of sucking — it’s probably Brooke.

• If the reaction to Mommy’s boob is:
  … “That looks nice to take a couple sips on and then use as a binkie while I sleep” — it’s Brooke.
  … “What the?! Get that thing out of my face!” — it’s Claire
  … “Nice rack. Mind if I touch?” — it’s Daddy.

• If her position in the crib when you check her in the morning is:
  … within a few degrees of how you put her in — it’s Claire.
  … rotated nearly 90 degrees clockwise despite being tightly swaddled — it’s Brooke.

• If you give her a bottle and:
  … she drinks all of it and might even want more — it’s probably Claire.
  … she takes so little you have to pour the wasted ounces down the drain (because there’s a 1hr. time limit once they start), even though it’s the most expensive formula around — it’s probably Brooke.
  … she drinks an ounce, because that’s all you poured so you wouldn’t waste any, then another ounce, finishing strong, and then finally quits right after she touched her lips to the ounce-and-a-half bottle you figured would finish her off — it’s Brooke.
  … you get a formula “rebate” in the form of a fountain of spit-up all over her and your clothes — it’s probably Claire.
  … she ends up with a milk goatee — it’s probably Claire.
  …. have to put the bottle back to warm a little more because it wasn’t warm enough yet — it’s probably Brooke.

• If her reaction to watching sports is:
  … “Daddy, the Ducks are playing the Red Wings! Can we watch?” — it’s probably Brooke.
  … “Forget sports. The second season of The Real Housewives of Oxnard is about to start. Want to watch, Mommy?” — it’s probably Claire.

I’m only guessing on the last one, but when we all read this again in a few years, won’t it be impressive if I’m right? Nah, who am I kidding… my only chance at having a co-fan to watch hockey with is if it’s tied in to The Real Housewives of the NHL.